The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?
What does this time of year mean for you? Are visions of sugar plums dancing in your head? Are you preparing for a time of reflection? Are you lighting candles that signify resilience and strength? Are you gathering with your community to celebrate your heritage? Maybe you are setting goals for 2024 or spending time with loved ones. For me, the end of 2023 means taking on new clients because I’ve got some openings and I want to be available for anyone looking for a mental health counselor right now.
As this calendar year ends and another begins, many of us look back at what we’ve learned in the last twelve months and what we hope for in the new year. I would add to that the importance of recognizing the present. Learning from our past experiences can lead to growth and a wiser understanding of the world around us. Setting our sites on future endeavors can fill us with purpose and excitement. At the same time, we can get caught up in reminiscing and planning and forget to enjoy the moment. What’s hard about this moment for you? What’s beautiful about it? Maybe they are the same thing. When you blink, this moment will also be gone, so what do you want to enjoy about it while it is here? What will never be the same ever again? Will your child stop asking you to tuck them in by this time next year? Will your parent never be this age again? Will you have a new job or new house next year? Will your town be a little bigger or your community a little smaller? If you are the person afraid of sitting still, afraid of sitting in silence, afraid to stop moving, I see you. You are enough. It is OK to soak up what we can from each moment.
If this time of year includes a hustle and bustle of pretty paper, silver bells, and gingerbread for you, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Those who love you won’t remember that you had to substitute birthday wrapping paper for Christmas paper. They won’t remember that your Challah was underbaked or that your fried plantains were less than fried. Maya Angelou said, “At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” I take that as permission to stop fretting and spend time enjoying the people I love, including myself. If you are the person putting yourself last, procrastinating self-care, pushing yourself harder and harder, I see you. You are enough. It is OK to take some time for ourselves, to enjoy the moment and let the perfectionism go.
Alright, now, let’s be real. For some of us, this time of year is hard. Memories of loved ones who have died, nostalgia for people no longer in our lives, and traditions we can no longer uphold can bring a bitterness to the sweet joy of a holiday season. Obligations to interact with people who hurt us, conversations that spiral, and attitudes that leave us feeling exhausted can bring anxiety to this time of year. Conversely, some of us feel lonely during this season, surrounded by people who flutter from one community event to the next family get-together. Maybe your heart hurts because you’ve isolated yourself, been pushed away by unkind people, or lost someone dear to you. If you are the person struggling right now because you are alone, abandoned, mistreated for being your authentic self, or grieving, I see you. You are enough.
During this season that can be joyful and tricky, please seek help if you need it. Call a friend, do something that brings you joy, go to your favorite place, ask someone for a hug, sing your favorite song, cry, bake cookies, take up badminton, whatever. If you are considering talking to a professional, I and some of my colleagues are accepting new clients. My contact information is listed on our website or you can find me on Psychology Today. I look forward to hearing from you!
**If you need to speak with someone right now, you can reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 (U.S.), or The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386. If you prefer, you can reach the Crisis Text Line by texting START to 741741. If you are in crisis and considering harming yourself, call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room and ask for the psychiatrist on call.