Unfreezing

Have you ever been out for a walk and crossed paths with a rabbit? Usually, when I meet a rabbit on the trails near my house, we are both equally startled by each other’s presence. The minute the rabbit sees me, it stops all movement. I watch the rabbit in amazement because it looks like a statue in the grass. Similar to the rabbit, our intuitive response is to fight, flee, or freeze when faced with danger. When we feel trapped or confused, we instinctually fight our way out of the situation or flee as far away as possible. Sometimes we just stand very, very still and hold our breath, hoping the scary thing goes away.

I’ve been a bit of frozen lately. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by work that needs done, decisions that need to be made, and books that need read. These have become the scary things in my life. Somewhere along the line, the to-do list in my head became so long and detailed that, without realizing it, I started sitting like a rabbit-statue. Sometimes this looks like watching a lot of Netflix (ignore the to-do list). Sometimes it’s a deep-clean of the house (do everything EXCEPT what’s on the to-do list). Sometimes the freezing manifests through the physical body, like fatigue or a headache.

Well, that’s been me this week. I’ve re-watched Golden Girls, bought a handy little device to clean all the baseboards in my house, and slept a lot.  I have been a frozen little rabbit waiting for the dangerous to-do list to go away. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way and the longer you ignore some things the bigger they get. As they get bigger, it’s more overwhelming and you become more frozen. See the pattern?

Today I was sitting at my desk, looking out the window at the sunshine and the neighbor’s fluffy white Himalayan cat playing by the pond. I realized that I’ve been frozen with indecision and overwhelmed with the expectations I’ve placed on myself. It’s time to move forward. It’s time to unfreeze. I created a five-step plan to help myself get started.

Step One: Write down the to-do list.

            All the things I thought I needed to accomplish were floating around inside my head with no real direction. My mind looked like a huge group of balloons bumping into each other and making static electricity but no beneficial results. I needed to write all the ideas down so that I could create some semblance of order.

Step Two: Sit with that list.

            Next, I sat with the list. The list was long and that vein in my neck started pounding a little. I had spent enough time avoiding this list, though, so I sat with the discomfort of all my “should” and “must” statements. I started focusing on my breathing and stopped judging my thoughts and my feelings. I took deep breaths and imagined that I was sitting inside a shaken snow globe. The falling snowflakes are my thoughts, and I watch them without judging or grabbing onto any. I just think them and let them keep going. This short mindfulness exercise helps me slow down and get a wider and more realistic perspective.

Step Three: Prioritize the list and incorporate realistic expectations.

Are these tasks that I feel are important or am I trying to please other people? Do I need to update my website right now? Or should that wait until after I’ve studied for my upcoming exams? Instead of being a perfectionist, can I just be good enough? Rather than trying to write the most amazing blog post the world has ever seen, can I say what I think is important and let it go? Resetting myself with more realistic and attainable expectations helps me feel less frozen. I can complete my tasks because I’m not driving myself to unrealistic goals. Taking my list of achievable goals, I prioritize my tasks according to realistic time frames that allow for self-care and a healthy work-life balance.

Step Four: Focus on small goals.

            Once I’ve refocused my goals and tasks to align with a healthier mindset, I start setting my intentional steps to move forward. Maybe updating my website is really important to me right now, but it is also a huge project, so I cut it into smaller tasks, like update all pertinent information, add new essential information, and then think about changing up the photo layout. These smaller steps help me see the progress I’m making and encourage me to keep going.

Step Five: Play

In the midst of website design, flash card creation, and stacks of laundry, it is important to find time for play. A balance of work and play is essential for mental and physical health. So, in my new, healthier version of the to-do list, I have reminded myself to take time to play the piano, go for a walk with my family, and try that new ice cream shop down the street. Life is beautiful and I don’t want to spend it frozen. Stepping away from the unrealistic expectations and the shame over run-on sentences, I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished today and I’m going to play Mario Kart with my kid.