Letting Go
Before going virtual in 2020, I was facilitating monthly creative expression workshops. I am missing those workshops and thought I would at least provide some creative ideas to help folks continue this work.
The idea behind the workshops was that we would come together as a group to make collages based on a topic of my choosing. Then, we would share them with each other and talk about the meaning.
So, this month’s topic is Letting Go. Specifically, I want us to focus on letting go of regrets and resentments. I find that this topic comes up very frequently in therapy. People can get trapped in a cycle of repeating their efforts to live a good life while holding on to the burden of regret and resentments. In my mind, I envision people under water trying to swim to the surface with pockets full of heavy rocks. It seems so simple to just say let go of the rocks so that you can swim to the top and be safe. Yet, it isn’t that simple.
Why do people hold onto these?
I find that most people hold on, because it is serving them in some way. For example, the man regretting not going to college may be avoiding the risk of applying for his dream job. It is easier just to be down on himself for his past choice than to take a risk now.
The woman who is holding onto her anger at her ex husband may be protecting herself from getting hurt again. Yet, she could be missing out on the opportunity to meet someone wonderful.
Holding onto pain from the past can lead to using behaviors to help deal with this pain. I see this over and over again with people dealing with eating disorders and addictions. The girl in her room isolating and restricting her food in an effort not to face the fear of socializing and connecting with other people. This can come from a regret that she didn’t join the school soccer team in 4th grade and missed out on getting to know other kids at her school. It can also come from the resentment that her parents made her move in the 3rd grade to a new neighborhood and school.
Holding on to regrets and resentments can also lead to negative self talk and world view. We might start to believe things like
“I am not smart enough to be able to get a good job.”
“I cannot trust anyone”
“No one will love me”
“I can’t trust my body”
“I can’t get through the day without drinking”
How do we know when it is time to let go?
When holding on is stopping us from living full rich lives filled with challenges and excitement
When we realize we are limiting ourselves due to regrets and resentments
When we realize that holding on is hurting us more than letting go
When we want something so badly, it is worth taking the risk
What would you like to let go?
Use this prompt to create a collage, art or journal.